Man-Jewels Collection #2

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In this second Man-Jewels collection there is nothing particularly spiritual or life-altering. What Man-Jewels #2 can offer however, are a few laughs, some cool factoids, and a brilliant desktop photo.

  • The Amazing History of Beards

    An infographic about beards and how their perception, use and cultural significance has changed throughout history. Depending on your value system the infographic may leave you wishing you could grow a beard or have you out buying a new razor. Personally, I agree with the author/artist’s conclusion: “Don’t shave–find a woman who’ll embrace the beard.”

  • The Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

    If you’ve watched Parks and Recreation then you know that Ron Swanson is one of the manliest characters ever to appear on your TV screen. His pyramid of greatness is used on the show for educating children about what really matters. Click the image for the full size version.

    ron swanson pyramid of greatness

  • Mantage

    My wife actually introduced me to this video…which is why I married her. Thanks to Andy Swartz for reminding me of the awesomeness of Barats and Bereta’s Mantage.

And finally…

  • Rambo vs. Robert Pattinson

    There are a lot of things wrong with this poster–logical fallacies, stereotypes,  etc.–and yet, it just touches my heart. Thanks to Richard Seldomridge for the reference.

    A Poster of Rambo vs Robert Pattinson

    If you’ve got some good ideas for future Man-Jewels collections, let me know!

Two Man-Movies: Redbelt and Warrior

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So I’ve got two man movies for you. They both are about fighters, they both explore what it means to be a man, and they both will get your adrenaline pumping while paying a lot of attention to character development.

First up, a movie you probably haven’t even heard of for some reason: Redbelt. Written and directed by David Mamet. Mamet wrote one of my top 5 favorite movies, The Edge. He’s a bit inconsistent in my book, a few excellent films and several that are less than B but Redbelt is great all around–well written, well acted, well filmed.

Redbelt movie poster

Redbelt is the story of Mike Terry, a jiu-jitsu b.a. who runs a studio in Los Angeles. Mike is a world-class fighter who refuses to compete. He believes competition for money weakens the fighter and adulterates the fight. The most fascinating thing about Mike’s character is his unwavering code of honor and his relentless self-discipline.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a man with the focus and conviction Mike’s character displays and that’s why I was immediately drawn in to the story–because Redbelt is about a man of great strength who is tested in every way and whose principals are questioned on every front. Mike’s steadfast role is contrasted with the character of almost every other person in the movie.

In the end Mike is finally cornered into a competition by money-trouble. At the arena his character is tested and he faces his greatest challenge. Obviously, I won’t tell you what happens but the ending is unpredictable and extremely well-executed. If you want a movie that leaves you thinking for a long time afterward and challenges you to assess your own character, this is it.

Next up, Warrior. It’s much more likely that you’ve heard of or seen Warrior but if you haven’t, get on it. Warrior is a movie about men. The film takes the characters of a father and two sons and, through their struggles, says something about all men.

Warrior movie poster

The three-man family Warrior centers on is volatile to say the least. I grew up in household in which the first six siblings were boys so I know all about putting holes in the walls but the combination of an alcoholic dad and fight-trainer (Paddy Conlon), all-star wrestler and marine (Tommy), and MMA fighter (Brendan) guarantee the Conlon family would win in terms of destruction and violence.

By the time we see them in the film, Paddy is a recovering alcoholic who’s found religion, Tommy is a haunted ex-marine, and Brendan is a jobless father and husband who can’t think of a better way to provide for his family than returning to the amateur MMA scene. Needless to say, the shared past of these three men is just bubbling beneath the surface waiting for the events that comprise Warrior to occur and bring it all to the light.

Tommy enlists his dad, whom he holds a huge amount of anger toward, to train him for a big MMA tournament. This same tournament offers the prize Brendan hopes to earn for his family. So, inevitably, the two brothers are pitted against each other in a fight that is very important to both and very intense to watch.

Excellent character development, fight scenes that draw you in completely, and the story of three men that will, again, leave you considering your own character, demons, and the fighter that is in every man’s heart–all are reasons you should watch this movie.

If you watch them, comment and tell us what you think about the movies. Enjoy.

Man Up And Go: A Film Project In Need of Your Support

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a photo of the man up and go film project

Man Up and Go is a documentary film project aimed at spreading the Father’s love to fatherless children in Africa. They’re trying to raise money to make this film happen and there are perks for different amounts of giving. Take a few minutes to watch the powerful trailer:

From the projects fundraising page:

The film, Man Up and Go, represents an important, powerful movement where a  bunch of “normal, average guys” from all over America, asked themselves: “How can we  make a statement about the lack of fatherhood in the world and what does being a real man actually mean?” They felt an overwhelming call to get out of their comfort zone and do something radical! This group of 30 men could have gone anywhere, but they chose Africa and spent seventeen days in numerous places in Uganda and Ethiopia.  They left their families, secure homes and jobs as they were called to “man up” and be fathers to orphans, and to show unconditional love to hurting women and men…

Engaging character driven stories will unfold from the film’s main subjects, a group of men from America and Africa that are part of a team calling themselves Man Up 4 Orphans. With vastly different lives that contrast and compare, the film will illustrate that simple actions taken by normal people like you and me can produce encouraging, powerful change. Instead of focusing the film’s viewers only on the despair and heartache associated with the orphans, Man Up And Go looks to empower, inspire and lift people to act…and one-by-one we can make a difference.


How Did You Die?

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How Did You Die is a poem by Edmund Vance Cooke published, appropriately, in a book called Impertinent Poems. I discovered the poem as a teen in an anthology I was reading. Since then it’s been a favorite of mine. Cooke asks some probing questions about one’s reaction to the hard things in life with the implication that one’s response says everything about a man. You should take this poem with a grain of salt–Cooke’s line about “the Critic”  should obviously not inform your understanding of salvation and grace. Nevertheless, reading How Did You Die a few times a year would be great for any man’s character. For the interested reader, the entirety of Impertinent Poems is available for free at The Gutenberg Project.

How Did You Die?

Did you tackle that trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a trouble’s a ton, or a trouble’s an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it,
And it isn’t the fact that you’re hurt that counts,
But only how did you take it?

You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what’s that?
Come up with a smiling face.
It’s nothing against you to fall down flat,
But to lie there — that’s disgrace.
The harder you’re thrown, why the higher you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
It isn’t the fact that you’re licked that counts,
It’s how did you fight — and why?

And though you be done to the death, what then?
If you battled the best you could,
If you played your part in the world of men,
Why, the Critic will call it good.
Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce,
And whether he’s slow or spry,
It isn’t the fact that you’re dead that counts,
But only how did you die?

Edmund Vance Cooke, Impertinent Poems, 1903

 

Joy is Manly

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A photo of G. K. Chesterton

I was recently traveling out of state to support a friend of mine as his groomsman at his wedding. The groom, the other groomsmen, the photographer and I all lived together in a house for three days or so while the bachelor’s party, rehearsal and other festivities were continuing.

Alec, the photographer, a friend of mine from college, was actually shooting two weddings that weekend. One evening, one of the other groomsmen made a comment about him that struck me as incredibly insightful. He said that, for being one of the busiest guys he knew, this photographer was also the most peaceful person he could think of. I instantly agreed.

After the wedding, the night before I left to drive back to Colorado, I asked Alec about where he got his inner peace. He quickly answered “I just have joy man.”

Since then, I’ve been thinking about his answer. Alec recently tweeted a quote of a quote to me. It was John Piper quoting G. K. Chesterton. In his book, Orthodoxy, Chesterton said “Man is more manlike when joy is the fundamental thing in him.” Though it’s obvious from the context that Chesterton is using “man” in the general human sense of the word, I believe this quote contains a lot of truth that we as men need to receive.

Man is more manlike when joy is the fundamental thing in him.

Awhile back I talked about the importance of finding your identity as a a son of God (a genderless spiritual reality for both men and women) before anything else. You need to find your identity in sonship well before you try to find it in manliness. I’m now realizing that Joy needs to be another integral aspect of who we are. Substituting “human” for “man”–if humans are more humanlike when Joy is the fundamental thing them, and an integral aspect of your humanness is your manhood, then you’ll be more of a man when Joy is a foundational aspect of your character. The same would go for women.

This flies in the face of the Hollywood image of men.

On one hand you have the American Manly Man. The American Manly Man is stoic, only smiles when he is shooting something, can’t maintain a relationship with a woman because he’s too busy being a hard-ass and fighting. The American Manly Man doesn’t laugh from Joy–he just makes cynical, sardonic remarks about how he doesn’t care. His smile is really a painful grimace.

On the other end of the spectrum you have the American Dude, who is too stupid and base-minded to have real joy. Real Joy is set on higher, eternal things, but the American dude is content to find his ersatz joy in fart jokes, boobs, football, beer and bacon. Joy gives us incredible drive but the American Dude is content just getting fat and doing whatever his wife tells him to. His grin just says that he doesn’t know what to do.

These stereotypes must not define us as men. They are based on fear. The Manly Man is too scared to feel and the Dude is too scared to act. While I’ll probably always like the Die Hard movies and will always laugh at fart jokes, I need to find that, beyond all of that fluff, Joy is what is truly integral to who I am as a man. Be clear that we’re talking about Joy and not just happiness. The difference is important but there is not sufficient space here to lay out a theology of joy and a discussion of how a man obtains it. That will be your job for now and maybe we’ll discuss it in the future.

For those interested, here is the full quote from Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton. As you’ll see there is way more to the thought than what we’ve discussed above.

The mass of men have been forced to be gay about the little things, but sad about the big ones. Nevertheless (I offer my last dogma defiantly) it is not native to man to be so. Man is more himself, man is more manlike, when joy is the fundamental thing in him, and grief the superficial. Melancholy should be an innocent interlude, a tender and fugitive frame of mind; praise should be the permanent pulsation of the soul. Pessimism is at best an emotional half-holiday; joy is the uproarious labour by which all things live. Yet, according to the apparent estate of man as seen by the pagan or the agnostic, this primary need of human nature can never be fulfilled. Joy ought to be expansive; but for the agnostic it must be contracted, it must cling to one corner of the world. Grief ought to be a concentration; but for the agnostic its desolation is spread through an unthinkable eternity. This is what I call being born upside down. The sceptic may truly be said to be topsy-turvy; for his feet are dancing upwards in idle ecstasies, while his brain is in the abyss. To the modern man the heavens are actually below the earth. The explanation is simple; he is standing on his head; which is a very weak pedestal to stand on. But when he has found his feet again he knows it. Christianity satisfies suddenly and perfectly man’s ancestral instinct for being the right way up; satisfies it supremely in this; that by its creed joy becomes something gigantic and sadness something special and small. The vault above us is not deaf because the universe is an idiot; the silence is not the heartless silence of an endless and aimless world. Rather the silence around us is a small and pitiful stillness like the prompt stillness in a sick room. We are perhaps permitted tragedy as a sort of merciful comedy: because the frantic energy of divine things would knock us down like a drunken farce. We can take our own tears more lightly than we could take the tremendous levities of the angels. So we sit perhaps in a starry chamber of silence, while the laughter of the heavens is too loud for us to hear.

—Orthodoxy, G. K. Chesterton

So what do you think? Is Joy integral to who you are? Should it be? What do you think Joy is and how do you get it?

Discovering the Mind of a Woman: a Book Review

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Book cover for Discovering the Mind of a Woman

Several years ago I stole a book from my parents called Discovering the Mind of a Woman by Ken Nair. I think I was dating someone at the time and realizing that what I knew about women could fill a 140 character tweet. I never actually read the book until recently. Being a husband and aware of my need of good advice, I’ve been rereading this cornily-named book and I think you should too–even if you’re not married or dating yet. Don’t be distracted by the early-90′s cover, the title, or his ministry website–all of which are outdated and cheesy–the advice in this book is completely timely and relevant to your life.

I’ll warn you up front that if you don’t like to be convicted, challenged, and exhorted to grow then don’t even bother reading this review, much less the book itself. Ken Nair will kick your ass–but in a good way. If you’re attracted to a title like Discovering the Mind of a Woman because you think it will get you more hot dates or get you laid then you have no idea what you’re in store for. Nair writes with the voice of a spiritual father. He wants you to mature, to let go of your childish ways, and to grow to be a man who God can use to bless, lead, learn from and love a woman.

Nair starts out with the story of how he came to realize that he was living selfishly as a husband and father and that he was not being a spiritual leader in his home. He encountered the Father’s grace in this and prayed for three things:

  1. That God would help (him) learn how to meet the need of (his) wife, to understand her mind, her way of thinking, her innermost feelings.
  2. That God would show (him) how to love (his) wife so that she would be able to experience more than just hearing (him) say, “I love you.” As God’s representative, (he) wanted to have her experience God’s loving her through (him), to bless her heart through (him). That would include learning how to love her through her frame of reference.
  3. That (he) would learn how to be the spiritual leader of (his) home. That (his) spirit might become so sensitive that (he) would become aware of the Holy Spirit leading (his) spirit.

It turns out that God answered these prayers for Ken Nair but it would come at a high price and through a long process. He realized that God was calling him to true Christ-likeness and that Paul’s words in Ephesians, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loves the church and also gave himself for her.” were a greater commandment than he could possibly imagine.

What came from his journey with God and his wife, and from years as a marriage counselor and discipler of men is distilled in Discovering the Mind of a Woman. Nair’s teachings are not for the faint of heart, his first chapter has subtitles like “This Could Be Dangerous!” and “No Shortcuts”.

In chapter two Nair takes a sledge-hammer to four common male prejudices that prevent us from pursuing our wives and generally respecting the women in our lives:

  1. Women are impossible to understand.
  2. Women are the real problem.
  3. Women are inferior to men.
  4. Women are supposed to be “the boss”.

From there Nair guides us on a journey that will doubtless continue our entire lives.

Nair has a high view of the husband’s duty in marriage, a real appreciation for the glorious, terrifyingly deep heart of a woman, and a passionate commitment to seeing men become more like Christ. This makes for a truly challenging book but one that is written with a voice obviously motivated by love and that encourages us to rely on grace and the Holy Spirit as we try to rise to the occasion.

Every man needs a man like Ken Nair in his life. A man who has seen and learned a lot, who has remained faithful to the Lord, and who is generative enough to pass on the things he has learned. If we don’t seek out men like this, in person or writing or however else we can, we will be missing out. Solomon tells his son,

“My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.

With books like Discovering the Mind of a Woman, you don’t have to search very far to find a good dose of wisdom.

If you read the book check back in and let me know what you think of it.

Man-Jewels Collection #1

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Bearmageddon BannerA buddy of mine, Jeremy Grant, from over at the Art In Love blog he writes with his wife, recently turned me on to some cool new projects that are aimed at men. I’m paying the favor forward to you guys.

First up, we have Bearmageddon, a graphic novel in-progress. At the time of this writing, the story of Bearmageddon is still in it’s first act but so far, the story seems pretty rad. We have the threat of mad scientist-created bear monsters (just check the image above), we have young guys with father issues, and the makings of a classic, if unusual, story about coming of age as a man.

Here’s what Ethan Niccole, the author and artist of Bearmageddon, says this about the story,

“This comic is all about manliness.  It is all about beards, bear fighting, guns, heroism… and it is also about counterfeit manliness.  The bears act as a catalyst to divide the counterfeit manliness from the true manliness.”

Take a minute to check out the blog commentary Ethan provides with each page. Ethan Niccole is a Christian and has referenced G. K. Chesterton as a major influence so I think he has a lot to offer besides awesome bear-freaks-of-nature attacking the world–even though that would be enough.


Man Up Logo Next, we have Man Up, a campaign reaching out to the men in urban, hip-hop cultures, challenging them to live a biblical manhood. Reach Life Ministries and Reach Records have produced a short film, a small group curriculum, a soundtrack, and a concert series, all designed to reach out to men and challenge them to be like Jesus.

You can find a trailer for the film as well tour dates and more info at the Man Up website. Lecrae, the talented, theological, Christian rapper will be performing for the concert series and is one of the actors in the movie. I’m praying God really uses the efforts of the Man Up campaign to restore his vision for christlike manhood and to raise up strong leaders to do his work.

Check out the Man Up Anthem. It rocks.

You – Childish Ways = Man

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an icon of St. Paul
The other day I woke up at 5am with the words of St. Paul ringing in my ears, “When I was a child I thought like a child.” These words might as well have been audibly spoken in my ear for how real they seemed. I’m not sure if the phrase was only the vestige of an early morning dream or words spoken by the Father to wake me up or both.

To finish Paul’s thought, he says in 1 Corinthians 13, “When I was a child I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” What he’s actually talking about is love and growing up in love. Paul is comparing childhood vs. being a man to immaturity vs maturity in love. As I write this I’m realizing that there might be more to this wake-up message than my first interpretation captured so I’ll continue to meditate on the passage. For our purposes though, I want to share what those words meant to me originally.

As I lay in bed, my mind filling in the rest of the passage, it seemed clear to me that the words were an encouragement and a challenge. I felt God was prompting me to assess the childish things in my life and asking me to put them away. I thought about it for awhile and strongly considered rolling over and going back to sleep but I ended up getting out of bed early and going to to the living room to pray and start my day.

That was my first response to the challenge. It’s kind of embarrassing to say, but a major area of childishness in my life is my inability to get to bed on time and wake up early. So getting up was an immediate and positive response available to me. I got on my knees and took some time to talk to God about what he was telling me.

In any discussion of childishness it’s helpful to differentiate between childishness and being childlike. To be clear, being childlike is a must for spiritual maturity and for happiness. It’s a straightforward command from Jesus (Mark 10:15). Here are my definitions: being childlike is encapsulating the good qualities of children: their honesty, trust, ability to express their need, their freedom to play and laugh, etc. Being childish is encapsulating the bad qualities of kids: their selfishness, irresponsibility, narcissism, etc.

Since that morning I’ve been asking God, “What childish ways do I need to put away today?” Maybe it’s a single thought-habit of self-centeredness, maybe it’s a judgement you’ve been holding against someone, maybe it’s your inability to look people in the eyes when you talk to them, maybe it’s those raunchy college comedies that you waste your life on. I think if we make a daily habit of asking the question, “What can I put away?”, all kinds of stuff will come up and we’ll be better men because of it.

Put an emphasis on that word, “daily.” Don’t give up if you break a bad habit for a day and act like a punk kid the next day. Since that morning Paul’s words woke me up I’ve gone through my life-long cycle of staying up super late and waking up early, only to bemoan my wasted day. That doesn’t mean it’s all for naught. Walk with your Father in this and he won’t give up on you. He wants to bring you into full maturity and to increase you in stature and wisdom.

Identity: Where a man finds it

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A few months ago I was at a worship event in the mountains for a weekend when someone made a comment, almost in passing, that changed everything about the way I think about being a man. The speaker was Ben Pasley, a spiritual leader (and huge influencer in my life) whose work you should get acquainted with. Pasley was talking about sonship. “Son” is the status of all those who are in Jesus, man or woman. If you know Jesus, you’re God’s son. There’s a ton to say about sonship, and a lot has been said in Ben Pasley’s book, Orphan Slave Son.

So Pasley is talking about sonship when he says, “The identity of ‘son’ is the only identity you can have that is limitless.” Ben went on to say that you can find your identity in lots of things and that’s okay but the only true foundation for our identity must be as God’s son. He specifically mentioned manliness. He said you can see yourself as a manly man and that’s alright but if your identity rests on your manliness then it is limited and conditional. It can be taken away.

When a man like Ben Pasley is at the microphone the gold is dispensed almost too quickly so you have to be paying attention. I was and my jaw dropped when he brought up this identity stuff. The mention of manliness as a possible source of false identity felt like it was spoken directly to me. My first reaction to being “found out” is often denial but it didn’t last long because the knife was too sharp and the damage was done.

A truth as big and life-altering as this needs to be captured, filed and returned to often over a long period of time in order to be adequately processed. So in the months that have followed I’ve thought about it a lot, asking myself the question, “Where are the places I base my identity other than in Christ?” I’ve found that there are lots of these places but for our purposes, I want to talk about manliness of course.

To be sure, I would be the last person to deny the significance of manliness. You are a man, that’s how God created you, that’s an important part of your identity, and you should want to be the best man you can be. But your manhood cannot be the foundation of your identity. When we base our identities on our manliness we limit ourselves and inevitably begin to live false lives.

Some of the results of an identity founded in manhood:

  • Fear. When we’re struggling as men, when we do something weak or generally unmanly, we respond in fear because the foundation of our very selves is cracking and because we’re afraid of being found out.
  • Anger. Anger usually follows fear for men. We’ve put ourselves in a losing position and it pisses us off.
  • Lies. We will always have to pretend to be “manlier” than we are. We end up worrying more about things that appear manly on the outside in order to maintain the impression while neglecting the manliness of the heart. We posture.
  • Weakness. There is no strength to be found in a false identity.
  • Wounds. We’ve built our manliness on things that have nothing to do with being men and try to hold other men to our false standards. Instead of building other men up we try to limit their identities or even tear them down to augment our own position.

It’s because of the use of manhood as a false identity that many people believe manhood is nothing more than a performance. They believe that there is nothing inherently distinct (beyond our physicality) about men and that manliness is just an act males put on in order to fit in culturally. I deeply disagree with this position. God has made us men down to the heart. It’s that truth that is the reason for this blog. Men living out a manhood that is the foundation of their identity are the source of false beliefs about the role of manhood.

First, you are a son. There is nothing you have to do to remain a son except remain. There is nothing that can separate you from the love of Christ and therefore nothing that can take away your place as God’s son. If you foul up or if you are attacked it will not damage your status as son in the least. Everything you need to do flows naturally from your identity as a son. If we want to be great men then our manhood needs to be founded on our place as sons. It is the only identity that is limitless. Put manliness in it’s right place and it is a glorious thing God can use in big ways.

The Little Black Book of Violence

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The Little Black Book of Violence book cover
The Little Black Book of Violence is actually pretty big. The book is an invaluable tome that should be part of the curriculum of life for every man. In case the title turns you off, let me say up front that the author’s goal is to reduce violence, not escalate it. If you think that the subject of violence is only for people who live in the inner city or have too much testosterone let me use a very recent example from my own life of how violence (or it’s potential) can find you at even the most unexpected places.

Last night I was in line at a fast-food drive through at around 9:30pm. Things were apparently not going well inside the restaurant. All of us in line had to wait a very long time to get our food and I found my order had been botched after I was too far away to warrant going back. This long wait seemed to be very trying for a couple of hicks who were in a big red truck behind me because they started screaming maniacally in their version of the english language and waiving their hands out the windows.

I was laughing about this at first until the car ahead of me finally drove off and I was next up to get my food. The attention of these hicks turned to me at that point. They started yelling things like “f***ing homo” and “cut you hair you f***ing Jew” (I have a lot of hair). This went on for a few seconds and my body responded by dumping a serious dose of adrenaline into my blood stream. Images of me getting out of my car and pounding faces began flashing through my mind.

Then, the advice I had recently read in The Little Black Book of Violence: What Every Young Man Needs To Know About Fighting began to replay in my thoughts. I took some deep breaths to relax my body. I kept an eye on my mirrors to make sure my new friends didn’t get out of their truck. I controlled the urge to return words in kind. The sheepish looking cashier gave me someone else’s food and apologized for the wait and I drove off resisting the impulse to wave goodbye to the hicks with my middle finger. I actually said a quick prayer for the guys. The most amazing thing is that I felt neither anger or humiliation as I drove away.

When I got The Little Black Book of Violence I was expecting a how-to of street fighting advice–what to do if you get in a scrape. I got much more than I expected. The main point of the book is that violence is bad and costly and should be avoided. One might expect that reading a book about violence and how to fight would increase one’s chances of getting into a fight but the exact opposite is true. The entire first half of the book is actually about avoiding violence.

The authors go through great pains to point out that violence in real life is much different than the movies. People die, are permanently maimed, and lawsuits ruin lives. The section on avoiding violence is a voice of wisdom for sobering the impulsive young man and a voice of warning for the clueless guy who doesn’t know how to watch his back. Instead of making the reader paranoid whenever he is in a public place, the authors actually instill a sense of confident watchfulness.

The rest of the book is dived into two sections entitled “When Violence Occurs” and “The Aftermath of Violence.” The when-violence-happens section is extremely practical and avoids advice that requires too much practice to be safe in giving to the average reader. The aftermath section further emphasizes the truly heavy consequences of violence, drilling home to the reader that a peaceful solution, no matter how humiliating, should always be taken if available.

To further drive home the need for a book like this let me share two more personal stories both of which occurred in my relatively peaceful city of Colorado Springs in good parts of town.

A few years ago two friends and I were driving to pick up a third friend from her apartment complex and go to church. As we were waiting in the parking lot I saw a young woman crying hysterically, trying to get into her van and drive away from a very sinister looking man. The man was silently following her in circles around her vehicle. He would jump into the passenger seat of the van whenever she tried to get into the driver’s. The situation seemed like a classic case of domestic dispute. I didn’t really want to but I forced myself to get out of the car to see if I could help the woman.

I forget the actual words spoken but I told the guy to stop. He stormed up to me cursing and threatening and telling me to keep out of it. I wanted to, believe me, but I felt that I couldn’t so I told him again. I was bracing for a fight this time as he tried to scare me away again–this guy was seriously pissed. Finally, I said “Dude, all I see is a girl crying and telling a guy to leave her alone and I can’t walk away from that.” Thankfully, this did the trick and the guy relaxed and said “Okay” as his girlfriend made her escape with screeching tires. He turned around and went back inside and I got into the car. The friend we were picking up arrived immediately afterward, oblivious to what had happened.

Later that same year, my wife (then girlfriend) and I were at a coffee shop that was open late at night. We were having a fun, flirty time when a man I thought was an employee started acting very aggressive toward us. He began saying things like “What are you looking at?” when no one was looking at him and “We don’t want people like you here.” and so on.

Again, the adrenaline was pumping and it was very hard not to get up and punch the guy, especially since this was happening in front of my girlfriend. Thankfully, I realized that he was probably mentally ill because of his irrationality and I also realized how much getting into a fight could hurt the other people around me as well as Mr. Crazy and I. We ended up leaving the coffee shop and, while I was angry, I knew it was the right thing to do.

Even if you could never imagine yourself getting into a fight you should give The Little Black Book of Violence a read. I wouldn’t recommend it for someone younger than sixteen or so because there are lots of grizzly photos and stories of real violence and it’s consequences. Whether you’re a strict pacifist and want to better avoid and dispel violence, or a young American movie watcher who thinks fights are cool and fun (i.e. an idiot), violence is a fact of life and it’s threat can loom over the most normal of daily activities. The Little Black Book of Violence brings a peaceful, responsible approach to violence.